When I was five it was around Christmas. About once a month my Mom would make a trip to the local department store to buy one of the many things our family might need. The first thing that you saw when you walked into the store was a glass case full of porcelin dolls. Everytime I would ask to look at them. They were beautiful. Untouchable. Unattainable. I couldn't say that I wanted one. Mainly because it was an impossibility. Like wishing for Buckingham palace. You know you will never have it. So you enjoy just looking at its beauty. Christmas morning came. I opened the strange pajamas from relatives, a new Christmas sweater, and a few other miscellaneous gifts. I held my sweater on my lap and watched as Stacie played with some new toy. "I think there is another gift for Leah." I looked up as my Dad brought over a neatly wrapped box. I sat there confused wondering what kind of gift might be in the box. I slowly opened the package, befuddled for a second, until the torn wrapping revealed a porcelein face. I sat speechless. It was the porcelin doll I had been eyeing for months. I was so quiet my parents asked, "Is that not the one you wanted?"

I looked up. Still amazed, I said, "No. This is the one I REALLY wanted! Thank you!" I don't know how long I sat and just looked at the doll inside the box. However, it did take some prompting for me to take it out and actual hold the perfect gift in my hand.

This last week I found out my cancer had returned. I found myself running errands last week, thanking God that I still had my life and praising for the fact that it looks like everything will be o.k. I had been looking for the perfect dress all week to wear to a local black tie fund raiser. I finally gave up and called a friend asking for a recommendation for a place to have a current dressed altered. The answer??? I've been offered to wear a one of a kind, designer gown for the event. In my prayer time, my thoughts went immediately back to that Christmas and I was five again. This time, my heavenly father carried a gown for me to wear. Beautiful and perfectedly fitted. Unattainable. Unexpected. It was a gift to say, "I love you. I care about you. Live a dream for a night. You are my blessed child."

I am amazed. In the middle of a major life crisis, and I feel so loved by my heavenly "Daddy." I lay in his arms and he makes all of the pain and fears go away. Then, he gives a gift so magnificent, I never even thought to ask for it. I am forever amazed by his love.